A Zen Master is visiting New York City
He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.
“Where’s my change?” asks the Zen Master.
The vendor responds, “Change must come from within.”
A rabbi, a priest and a buddhist monk walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, what is this, some kind of a joke?”
How many Zen monks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.
One to screw in the bulb, and one to not screw in the bulb.
How many Sannyasins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
5001.
One to screw the light bulb in and the other five thousand to celebrate the great occasion.
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None.
Sitting silently doing nothing, the spring comes and the light bulb screws in by itself.
Q: How many European ballet dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they like Danzig in the dark.
Q: How many ice skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the bulb, one to hire a hitman on club the other skater on the knee.
Q: How many movie actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but you should’ve seen the line outside the producer’s hotel room.
Q: How many porn actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real answer is actually none. They’re just faking it.
Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he’s done everyone thinks that his last light bulb was much better.
Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going “To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right…”