Dummy’s Guide to Aikido Definitions

Aikido The art of unity with the ground.

Aikido The way of blending energy The Aikidoka (one who practices Aikido) attempts to become one with the mat by being thrown into it repeatedly in the hope that s/he will merge with the mat. This usually doesn’t happen, so the process must be repeated. Frequently.

Tatami Commonly thought to mean “mat” this is actually a Japanese curse. The confusion arose from Westerners visiting dojos in Japan and hearing people scream “tatami” as they unsuccessfully blended with the mat.

Matte “te” = hand, “mat” is obvious, so “mat” “te” is the art of hand-stands and walking on hands. Sometimes this results in unsuccessful blending with the mat which causes the aikidoka to have to blend with the mat while wearing a cast. This is much harder, as the cast prevents the Aikidoka from reaching the mat.

Kiai-do Dyslexic Aikido. Also known as “drunken Aikido”, this is usually practiced in bars, accompanied by much shouting.

Ukemi The art of blending with the mat–part of what Aikidoka study.

Ukemi The art of hurling yourself at the Earth for no good reason.

Slapping out This is the sign of an unsuccessful blending with the mat. The Aikidoka is so frustrated at not blending with the mat that s/he will hit the mat in a futile attempt to blend. It is futile because all Aikidoka know that true blending with the mat only occurs at high speed.

Nage-waza The art of helping others to blend with the mat–the other part of what Aikidoka study.

Randori Mispronunciation of “runned away”. This is the optimal method of blending with multiple attackers.

Shodan (male) A male who is so adept at blending (and helping others to blend) that he can wear a skirt to class and nobody in class will laugh at him because he might help them learn to blend with the mat. At high velocity.

Hakama What shodans call a skirt so they don’t have to teach quite as many people to blend with the mat [see shodan (male)].

Atemi What you use to convince uke that your Aikido is strong enough to deal with their attack.

Shihans Can’t live with ‘em; can’t throw ‘em.